The First Place To Go During A Divorce

There are lots of ideas about this topic, so I’ll tell you my story:

Here’s where I went, in order:

• I went to her parents
• I went to our pastor
• I went to our friends
• I went to my parents (my mom, my dad had already passed away)
• I went to my ex-co-workers
• I went to my fraternity brothers (many of whom I hadn’t spoken to in 17 years)

Notice the theme here… we had been married for 17 years.  Everything we had was together.  Thankfully I had an acquaintance who was a VERY well respected attorney who referred me to an AMAZING therapist.  That therapist, along with one of my ex-co-workers, one of my fraternity brothers, and my mom kept me together.  They helped me, in various ways, but, thanks to all of them, I’m here and able and willing to help others today.

No, I didn’t EVER think about anything “permanent,” I have two sons.  I did, at various points, however, contemplate “giving in,” “dropping off the grid,” and a variety of other things.  It was, however, thanks to those wonderful people, all of whom have stuck with me throughout the process, in different capacities, that I was able to look at my divorce process as something that would make me better.

And I am better.  I’m healthier now than I have been since, … well since I can remember.  I’m happier.  I’m in an amazing relationship with a wonderful person.  I still have my kids.  The divorce helped me to realize what is IMPORTANT.

My priorities aren’t your priorities, however, your first priority should be staying safe.  Yes, I know, that seems silly to say, but, there are a lot of things that happen during the initial part of a divorce… There’s confusion, denial, anger, loss; all of the “bad” emotions.

After you’re safe, then you can figure out the rest, one step at a time.

Depending on your situation, that might mean many things:

1. Where do I stay?  Right now/tonight
2. Where do I live?
3. How do I get access to our money/credit cards?
4. What do I do???

Wherever you go, whether you contact me, or not, take care of yourself first.  Think about all of the wonderful people around you, your family, and your kids (if you have them); what would they do without you in their lives?